Let me just rip out your cervix a little…

Well. I went to the doctor today for a physical and a pap smear. New doctor was really nice, good feelings all around…until.

The other day I wrote that my general impulse toward preventive medicine is “if it ain’t broke, don’t stick a speculum in it.” Note that I don’t actually logically think that, which is why I call it an impulse. Anyway, here’s what I discovered today: If it ain’t broke, sticking a speculum in it is a great way to get there. Dr. Black is very nice and very gentle, but there’s only so gentle you can be when you stick a speculum in a virgin. In retrospect, it might’ve been slightly unwise to choose a family practitioner for this procedure, because I’m pretty sure children heard me yell profanity followed by “GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT.”

Okay, so I can be hyper-sensitive. I tried really hard to relax, but it just wasn’t happening, and now I feel like I just had violent sex with a bear. So much for going to the gym today.

In unrelated news, I realized the other day that the new iOS 5 is compatible with my iPod (3rd-gen Touch). Yay! I thought. I shall commence downloading! LOL NOPE. My computer is a 4-year-old Sony Vaio that actually has worse specs than my little netbook. iTunes chugs along on it pretty well for the most part, but it seems to have drawn a line in the sand. I keep getting time-out errors and such, and I sort of think it might be time to give up. I’m hoping to acquire a new computer (and a new iPod) relatively soon, so for now I’ll deal with iOS 4 and a computer that would look like this if it had a face.

It must be “shout nonsense and profanity from the porches all night” week here at my apartment complex. I was so close last night to opening my bedroom window and yelling “SHUT THE FUCK UP, WHAT ARE YOU, THREE? SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH.” But I didn’t, because that isn’t very respectful.


Posted on 8 November 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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